Andy shares his funny stoma stories

Andy Fletcher

Andy Fletcher

When I say they are funny, they weren’t at the time, but looking back, I still giggle just thinking about them ….

Ever since I have had my stoma created, some funny things have happened to me relating to it. When I say they are funny, they weren’t at the time, but looking back, I still giggle just thinking about them ….

Here are three examples …. I’d love to hear yours. Don’t be shy, remain anonymous if you wish, but hit the comments button below and share your embarrassing humorous story!

1)  Just after I had my stoma created, I was still getting used to cleaning and changing appliances, so much so that I rushed to change just to get to the supermarket. After about ten minutes, I noticed the staining appearing on my clothes and realised I had forgotten to put a new bag on. As this was month or so past the operation, things were very messy to say the least. It was also summer, so I only had a t-shirt on. I’ve never abandoned my trolley and run so fast back home in my life! – Took me a fair few weeks before I returned to that supermarket …

2)  Once whilst at work, I took the easy way down the stairs and took the lift. Because I was on my own, I took the opportunity to rearrange my clothing as the bag felt uncomfortable. As soon as I lifted my shirt, the bag literally fell off, making a nasty “splat” sound on the carpeted lift floor. Naturally my tummy was not having a good day, so the stoma continued to spurt its contents everywhere … more on the floor, over the walls and onto the mirror in the lift. Next to the lift on the ground floor is a disabled toilet, so once I reached the bottom, I jammed the door open and spent the next twenty minutes or so cleaning both the lift and me whilst praying that no-one would try to use what is a very busy lift. I must have gone through a complete roll of towel cleaning up but by then I was covered in my own excrement … so I had no choice but to drive home. The problem was my car keys were upstairs in my office! – so, I covered myself over the best I could, raced up to get my keys, came down and rushed home.

Once home, I stripped off at the door, only to be pounced on by the dog, he can “smell” something has happened, so I have to try to fend him off whilst undressing then running upstairs to the shower. A complete change of clothing later, I put the washing on and got back in the car.

Once I put the seat belt on I realise I just did something very silly – the seatbelt strap was covered in my own poo! So, I have to go inside, grab some cleaning materials and clean the seat belt, go back indoors to again fight the dog off whilst stripping off for another shower and complete change of clothing!!

Anyway, I rush back to work feeling very smug with myself for getting away with what could have been a very difficult situation. Once I reach my office, one of the girls walks in and said very loudly “blimey – smells like someone took a dump in the lift”

It took me a good hour to stop laughing. They still have no idea what happened to this day.

3) It was a really hot day recently and as an “on the spur of the moment decision” I decided to visit the local pub and sit in the beer garden whilst having a pint and reading a book. I can’t remember the last time I did this, so thought it would make a nice change. Anyway, with it being a nice day, I was wearing a t-shirt and cream coloured shorts.

One beer turned into several and about seven hours after I arrived, I stood up totally oblivious to the world and drunk as anything only to discover that the front of my t-shirt and shorts are totally ruined by a massive leak. More to this, the supposed leak was also down my legs, I was covered in it!  My biggest problem was when I realised the stoma bag was missing …. It had “dropped off” but I have no idea when it happened, or even where. I was so drunk I just never noticed.

I’ve never been as drunk as that before and doubt I ever will again, but one thing for certain is that I had a stoma bag on at one point at the pub as I clearly remember emptying it, so I don’t know if it dropped off in the beer garden, toilets or even at the bar itself. I know it will be a very long time before I go back there again!

So, three of my most embarrassing moments … you must have one or two…. Having a stoma is a serious business, but we all have a story to tell. Share yours with everyone! I look forward to reading them.

 

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6 Responses

  1. After months in the hospital after my bladder be removed for chronic interstitual cysytitis pre cancer of the bladder. After I was discharged home I was invited to a picnic in Crandon Park Outide Miami Florida. I was very nervous cause i was only out of the hospital a few days and was just experiencing putting the ostomy bag on by myself. So at the picnic I had to go empry my urine and I proceeded into the stall and emptied it like I had in the hospital standing up. Well another women came into the stall next to me and noticed I was standing up and she yelled out loudly and other people had come in Oh my God I am in the mens bathroom well I was so embarrased I wouldnt leave the bathroim until everyone was gone. I explained the incident to my dr and he said to me u dont have to stand up at the toilet you can sit down and empty your bag. Said I never thought of it that way. He laughed

  2. Had my stoma a year ago and I still forget to turn the tap off when I empty it my grandchildren take the greatest pleasure in telling me that I have wet myself

    • Oh Beryl, if only we still worked togetherat The News Centre … imagine the conversations we could have had over the mid morning trolley run !

  3. I am curious as to what brand/style of pouch you are using, that would ‘drop off’ so easily. I’ve had a lot of leaks but never – thankfully – had a bag to actually completely fall off! I have had to change to a convex pouch because my stoma has recessed over time, and also have had to do without ever eating ice cream again as I’m lactose intolerant, and loose stools are more likely to cause leaks; these changes have helped but I still worry about leaks especially in hot weather, never sure if I can trust the adhesive barrier to stick fast. I can’t imagine going through what you’ve described; I have a sense of humour but don’t believe I would ever be able to laugh about an experience like that. You are a brave person!

    • Hello Phoebe
      I use a Coloplast Asura one piece – , but at the time of the falling off incident, I was using a Welland one piece.
      In all fairness, the trousers I was wearing at the time were a little too tight around the waist, and as a result, my waste could not “drop down” fully to the bottom. Combine this with a really hot, sweaty day, and it was a completely avoidable problem that I should have prevented!
      As for laughing about it, it’s the only way I can survive with having a stoma – it does not embarrass me with having one – the alternative would have meant me not being here, but there are occasions when i absolutely hate it – and humour gets me through those times

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