Intimacy for gay men with an ostomy
From A Bigger Life
A guide for gay ostomates
Having a stoma can affect anyone at anytime, anywhere in the world. The same concerns and anxieties are present in gay or lesbian relationships but the challenges for people who belong to the LBGTQ community may be slightly different to those who are straight.
The relationship between a stoma care nurse and any patient can develop into one of openness and honesty where it is an easy conversation about anything that is causing concern. Talking about sex and problems associated can be difficult to initiate for both parties. This will be even trickier if you are not open about your sexuality, the chances are your nurse or other health professional will probably assume that you are hetrosexual, so its really important to be open. If you are a gay male and have had surgery which has meant your rectum and anus has been removed you may have more questions about resuming sexual relationships. If you are in a loving relationship during your illness and surgery your partner will be supportive and together hopefully you will find alternative ways to express your love and affection.
A few last thoughts…
The one crucial fact is that the stoma should never be used for penetrative sex.
For those people who are not in a relationship at time of surgery it really does not matter what your sexual orientation is you will have to decide who to tell and that is a very individual decision.
Support groups and links for further advice
You should be able to find other ostomates in the LGBTQ community who can share their advice and experiences through the following forums.
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